What do you want to be?

It's a question we constantly ask kids and teenagers as they advance through school: "What do you want to be when you grow up?"  I recently started a new teaching job, my second major one since obtaining my TEFL certificate.  Growing up, I never particularly wanted to be a teacher.  I'm still not sure that I do.

The first answer I remember giving to that question as a child was "scientist", motivated by both wonder at the way the natural forces of the world could be manipulated, as well as a fascination with The Magic School Bus and Bill Nye the Science Guy.  As I got older and realized that science involved more math and fewer explosions than I realized, I re-evaluated.

As a teenager, confused and unsure and wishing people would stop asking me what I planned to do as an adult, I would answer that I wanted to be Emma Thompson, because Emma Thompson is awesome (hell, I'd still like to be Emma Thompson when I grow up).  But college approached, and the pressure put on me and my fellow high schoolers to choose a major and decide what you want to do with your life mounted ever greater.

No one ever told me you could change your mind.  No one told me that you could decide that you wanted to try something else later on, that your career decisions at age 18 weren't set in stone.

Taking off to a new life

Sometime during college I decided that I wanted to be a counselor, and I poured my soul into my psychology degree, in the process abandoning many of the other things I enjoyed doing, like choir and writing and reading.  The message from the culture was that, if you work hard in college, you'll get a good job and be successful in your field and you will be satisfied with it.  So I bought in, worked hard, did the internships, went to graduate school (because if one degree is good, two is better, right?), got the job, and worked all the hours.  I wore myself down and burned myself out.  By the time I was quitting my full-time counselor job, I felt like a shell of the person I used to be.

Fast-forward a year.  I'm trying different things, teaching part-time and knowing it isn't quite right for me, but feeling ok with that.  It's a stepping stone to where I want to be, rather than the final destination.  I'm traveling, writing, and seeing what feels right to me.  I feel like an adolescent again, getting reacquainted with myself, discovering interests, and developing hobbies.

Now I'm the adult asking myself, "What do you want to be when you grow up?"

The truest answer is, "I'm not quite sure yet, but I'm on the right path.  Give me time."